and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
