oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
