You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
