We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
