Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
