I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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