i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
