And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Found the puke drawer
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
