Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
