when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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