Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
