hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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