the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize