Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
