There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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