My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
