My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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