I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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