I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
