all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
