My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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