i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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