He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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