Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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