I think I died a long time ago.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
