Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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