Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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