So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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