I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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