I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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