Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
In America we eat man semen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
