Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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