I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my poor anus
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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