Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
