He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
