I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is the high leading the old right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
