quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
