so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
