I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
