It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got inside last night via doggy door
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
