i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
