your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
