I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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