I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
