so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
