so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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