I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
