Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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