Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
two words: eviction party
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
