too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
