BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
