there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
