WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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