marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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