where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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