i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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