I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
