Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
