why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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