I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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