dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
