I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
