That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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