I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
