Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
false alarm, still single
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