So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
