alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
