rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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