i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
