dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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