I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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