life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
