I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
