Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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