From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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