Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
