I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
