It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
