so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
