Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
